Friday, August 19, 2011

FF–Read Lisa Mantchev’s take on Hansel & Gretel

** Today on Dark Faerie Tales read M.J. Scott’s take on Cinderella and you could win a copy of Shadow Kin** 

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Beatrice Shakespeare Smith is a foundling child, left on the steps of the Théâtre Illuminata when she was only a baby. Her bedroom is a set onstage, her food comes from the Green Room, and her best friends are the four fairies from A Midsummer Night's Dream, Nate, a pirate from The Little Mermaid, and Ariel, the air spirit from The Tempest. The following scene features the two favorite themes of Bertie's life in the theater: food and mayhem.

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Chewing Scenery (A Play in One Act)
by Lisa Mantchev


Beatrice Shakespeare Smith returned from a brief trip to Théâtre Illuminata's Green Room to find that the fairies had eaten an entire gingerbread house. Not one of the elaborate constructions that Mr. Hastings had stowed away in the Properties Department for the party scene from The Nutcracker, but a full-sized cottage, complete with poured-sugar windowpanes, candy cane rafters, lemon-glazed cookie shingles, and licorice gutters. Only the jawbreaker doorknob remained, which Mustardseed was trying to cram into his gaping, sticky piehole while the other two boys kicked him in the seat of the pants.

"We claimed the door knob when you ate the chocolate door knocker!"

"Give it over, pig!"

"Won't!" was his response, somewhat muffled Bertie thought, by his pease_bnearly dislocated jaw. The entire tableau reminded her strongly of a jungle snake unhinging its jaw to swallow a beach ball, while two irate leprechauns hopped screeched threats and sugar-fueled insults. Only Peaseblossom maintained a precarious decorum, sitting atop an upturned water pail and delicately licking a gum paste daffodil.

"I was gone for five minutes," Bertie said with a furtive look toward the Stage Manager's corner. "Only long enough to get a coffee and leave a note on the Call Board for Nate. How in the name of the three wise monkeys did you four manage to eat an entire house in that amount of time?"

"We're overachievers?" Moth suggested in between vicious kicks to Mustardseed's posterior.

"I hate to cast aspersions," Cobweb said, "but you were the one dumb enough to call in the set from Hansel and Gretel and then leave us here unattended."

bertie_b2"You have me there," Bertie muttered. "And Mr. Tibbs will have my neck in a noose when he sees what you four have done."

"I tried to stop them," Peaseblossom said before her conscience--and the mouthful of gum paste--got the better of her and she added, "for a full minute, at least."

"Longest sixty seconds of my life," Moth said, sharing a disgusted look with Cobweb. The two of them squinted at Mustardseed, and before Bertie could stop them, they switched tactics and forced the jawbreaker down their comrade's gullet. With a terrible gulp, Mustardseed swallowed the enormous candy ball, which settled in his midsection like the padding on a very jolly Santa Claus.

"Told you I could manage it in one bite," he said with a smirk and a burp that jiggled his distended belly like a bowlful of jellybeans.

"You fatten up well," Moth said with disgust. "If I didn't mind the toe jam and belly button lint, we could eat you for dinner!"

"I'm a delicacy in twelve countries!" Mustardseed retorted.

Fairly certain they wouldn't resort to immediate cannibalism, Bertie ran to the Stage Manager's corner and lifted his headset to her lips. "Cue the complete Patisserie set." Behind her, the fairies yelped as the curtains swept away the few remaining crumbs of the gingerbread cottage and the walls and chairs and tables of a French bakery landed on the stage with a series of gentle thumps.
"Nyah!" Cobweb yelled, "Now I'm going to eat all the éclairs!"

Bertie snagged him by the seat of his pants. "No. No you are not."

"Why'd you call in the bakery, then?" Moth wanted to know.

"How do you think you'll look in an apron?" Bertie asked.

Moth paled. "W-w-w-w-why would I need an apron?"moth_b

Grabbing the other three with one deft swipe of her hand, Bertie ducked behind the counter and walked through the swinging glass doors on the back wall. Underfoot, unseen bits of machinery rumbled to life, and the set began to pivot on a giant turntable. The lights blazed to full, gleaming off countless copper pots, silver measuring spoons, an enormous stone hearth, and ovens burning bright with coals. Loaves of gently steaming bread sat on marble counters. Row upon row of empty pastry shells waited for custard and berries. Bertie located a pile of freshly ironed aprons, and she unfurled lengths of blue and white striped fabric with the snap of a pirate's flag in the wind.

"I am NOT wearing this!" Cobweb said, flinging a tiny ruffled cap onto the stone floor.

Bertie took a single menacing step toward him, making all necessary threats with her eyes. Cobweb hastened to don his baking apparel without further protest, tying double knots in his strings and jerking his cap so far over his eyes that surely he couldn't see a thing. The others followed his example, though Mustardseed could barely fit his apron over his massive gut.

"Tell me what it is we are doing again?" he demanded.

cobweb_b"She didn't even tell us once, stupid," Moth said through the lace on his cap. "So she can't very well tell us again, can she?"

"You four ate that house," Bertie said, putting on her own chef's hat with grim determination. "So you're jolly well going to bake a replacement before Mr. Tibbs finds out what you've done."

Cobweb knew better than to argue, but the first thing he did was make a trail of bread crumbs on the floor, marking the way to the apple tarts. Then the fairies set to work, rubbing butter into flour and measuring spices. By the time Nate arrived on the set, the boys were sliding massive slabs of gingerbread into the ovens, and Peaseblossom stirred a vat of boiling sugar like one of the witches in That Scottish Play, but with less cackling and more creative cursing every time a fleck of the devilish-hot stuff landed on her arms.

Nate paused in the doorway, earring glinting in the spotlight, smile both bemused and concerned. "Whate'er are ye doin'? This is a new sort o' mess yer makin'."

Mustardseed took offense at the insinuation. "It isn't a mess! It's nate_bmagic. Don't you know alchemy when you see it?"

Nate's gaze traveled over the fairies, wearing more flour than clothes. "Looks like a mess t' me." He shifted his attention to Bertie. "Like ye were on th' losin' side o' a food fight."

"Close." Keenly aware that she was up to her elbows in butter and probably had chocolate on the end of her nose, Bertie tried to concentrate on fudge instead of the pirate towering over her. "They ate the gingerbread house set."

"Th' one Mr. Tibbs just finished?" Nate successfully turned a laugh into a cough, but only just. "I thought he'd ha'e it under strict watch."

"Not strict enough!" cried the four triumphant and not-at-all-abashed fairies.

Turning up the sleeves on his shirt, Nate smiled at Bertie. "What d'ye need me t' do?"

"Taste this," Bertie said, offering him a spoon, "and keep a wary lookout for the Stage Manager."

He took the spoon but didn't so much as glance over his shoulder. "Aye, well, ye needn't worry about that."

"About the fudge?"

"About th' Stage Manager. I saw him headed t'ward th' Theater Manager's Office, full steam ahead, an' knew ye must ha'e done something, so I--" Nate cleared his throat of a suspiciously guilty-sounding tickle, "might ha'e bumped him int' th' broom closet."

Bertie knew her mouth was hanging open wide enough to fit a six layer cake, and didn't care. "You knocked him into a closet?"

"An' locked th' door," Nate admitted.

The fairies whooped through mouths full of caramel. "Like the witch tossed in the oven!"

"Save he wasn't wearin' a great flappy cloak, an' I never heard a witch curse like that." The oven timer went off with a great clackity-clang, and Nate set down the wooden spoon and took up the potholders. Within minutes, every surface of the kitchen was stacked with enormous cooking sheets holding steaming gingerbread.

"They have to cool before we can decorate them," Bertie said, feeling the sweat trickle down the small of her back. "There's no way we can wait that long without someone catching us."

Nate's cheeks were ruddy with heat and exertion. "Yer right about that. Th' frostin' an' decorations would slide right off—"

ariel_bBefore he finished the sentence, a cool wind eased its way through the kitchen, ruffling the edges of their aprons, bringing with it the scent of Artic snow-tinged winters. Though Bertie peered into the dark space above the stage and could see nothing save scenery and rigging, she knew Ariel was somewhere nearby. As the temperature dropped around them, she could do no more than smile at the well-timed gift.

"Ye notice he didn't stick around t' do any o' th' heavy liftin'," was Nate's only comment.

"Lucky," Mustardseed muttered, and it wasn't the last of the complaints. They complained about the cold, about Bertie's decree that they "eat nothing else," about the fact that she caught them every time they were about to lick their fingers. It took another hour, a vat of royal icing, and approximately a thousand pounds of candy (conveniently purloined from the chocolate factory set in the Scenic Department, though Mr. Hastings was still maintaining it belonged in the Properties Department and would hopefully help replace them) but the group finally stuck the last lemon-glazed shingle into place and collapsed on the stage with sighs of relief.

"For goodness sake, send it away before they eat it again," Bertie finally muttered to Nate.

With a groan, he rolled over and headed toward the headset. The newly rebuilt cottage disappeared into the flies alongside the bits of the Patisserie set, so the only thing the Stage Manager found, upon his arrival with the Theater Manager a few seconds later was Bertie and her cohorts, faces innocent if suspiciously sticky.

"Th-th-they were making a proper mess!" the Stage Manager sputtered. "Up to their elbows in eggs!"

"If THAT were true," Mustardseed said, hiding his jawbreaker-pregnant belly by sitting criss-cross-applesauce and leaning as farmustardseed_b forward as he could, "you'd also smell bacon!" He punctuated the statement with a burp that reverberated in the rafters.

"Then the pirate locked me in the broom closet on purpose—"

"Come, come, do you see any of the pirates on stage right now? None of them were called here." The Theater Manager gave Bertie a stern look, the sort that said I know you've been up to something, but I've no time to deal with your shenanigans right now (or, at least, that's what she thought every time she saw such an expression on his face) before he guided the Stage Manager out the Stage Door with comforting words and a "come along, old chap, a tot of whiskey will do you wonders."

Nate reentered the scene when he was certain they'd gone. "I guess th' real question is: did ye get enough sweets fer once in yer lives?"

"You'd think that, wouldn't you?" Peaseblossom said with a tinkling laugh. "But last one to the Green Room is a chocolate door knocker!"

[Curtain]

(character icons source)

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Lisa would like to offer one of you Advance Review Copy of SO SILVER BRIGHT

 

All Beatrice Shakespeare Smith has ever wanted is a true family of her own. And she’s close to reuniting her parents when her father disappears. Now Bertie must deal with a  vengeful sea goddess and a mysterious queen as she tries to keep her family – and the Theatre Illuminata – from crumbling. To complicate it all, Bertie is torn between her two loves, Ariel and Nate.

to be released September 13th, 2011.

Purchase: Amazon | Book Depository

 

Interested in winning this book?

  • This giveaway is open to US & Canada

  • To enter, just leave a comment letting me know which character was your favorite in the play

You can to earn an extra entry (1) by spreading the word, please provide link in a second comment

tweet: #FantasticFables read @lisamantchev 's take on Hansel & Gretel | Win an ARC of So Silver Bright http://www.tyngasreviews.com/2011/08/ffread-lisa-mantchevs-take-on-hansel.html #giveaway PLZ RT

Ends September 7th, 2011.

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Lisa MantchevLisa Mantchev is the author of the Théâtre Illuminata series: Eyes Like Stars, Perchance to Dream and So Silver Bright, as well as a number of short fantasy stories. She grew up in the small Northern California town of Ukiah, wrote her first play in the fourth grade, and has been involved in theater ever since. She makes her home on the Olympic Peninsula of Washington state with her husband, two children, and three hairy miscreant dogs. When not scribbling, she can be found on the beach, up a tree, making jam, or repairing things with her trusty glue gun. You can learn more about the theater books at www.theatre-illuminata.com

 

 

More books by Lisa

Eyes Like Stars (Théâtre Illuminata, #1) Perchance to Dream (Théâtre Illuminata, #2)

tyngasig_thumb2_thumb

Tynga is a 28 years old mom from Montreal, working as a lab technician in an hospital specialized in heart disease. In her free time, she enjoys reading all things Paranormal and blogging about them. You might also catch her watching an hockey game. Make sure to say hi on twitter!

Follow Tynga on: Facebook | Twitter

48 People left their mark' :

  1. I like cobweb. I'm really enjoying these takes on classic tales.

    sgiden at verizon.net

    ReplyDelete
  2. I've always liked Nate, so it was great to see him again in this one-act play. Thank you for the giveaway!

    Angel
    angelidgcruz[at]gmail[dot]com

    ReplyDelete
  3. I also tweeted about this contest! https://twitter.com/#!/mermaidvisions/status/104563255799853056

    ReplyDelete
  4. I like Nate. I love the fact that he knows Bertie and the fairies well enough to know when she needs help, even if that means knocking people into closests! Thanks for the wonderful giveaway.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I also tweeted about the story and the contest:
    http://twitter.com/#!/jbfinch89/status/104565429070073856

    ReplyDelete
  6. I'm going to jump on the Nate bandwagon, although I must admit that if there had been more Ariel in this, he would have taken my vote.

    Thank you for the giveaway!

    twiztidsharkie@aol.com

    ReplyDelete
  7. My favorite in this play was Nate, but in the series it's definitely Ariel. ;)

    I love this series! Thanks so much for this giveaway!

    Tweeted: http://twitter.com/#!/un3xpectedfate/status/104613963945349120

    Jennie
    un3xpectedfate[at]hotmail[dot]com

    ReplyDelete
  8. Mustardseed! Lol

    Vivien
    deadtossedwaves at gmail dot com

    ReplyDelete
  9. +1 spread here
    http://www.goodreads.com/event/show/128598-ff-read-lisa-mantchev-s-take-on-hansel-gretel

    Vivien
    deadtossedwaves at gmail dot com

    ReplyDelete
  10. I really liked Mustardseed.


    moiraethefates(AT)gmail(DOT)com

    ReplyDelete
  11. My favorite is Mustardseed.

    vampiremistress2010(at)gmail(dot)com

    ReplyDelete
  12. I'm a sucker for Nate- definitely wouldn't mind having one of my very own- but I LOVE Peaseblossom; it's rough to be the only girl among the boys, but she manages it with style and sass. I <3 her.

    ~Dot
    requiemofrain(at)hotmail(dot)com

    ReplyDelete
  13. loved mustardseed :)

    Sounds awesome! Thanks for the story and giveaway!

    efender1@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  14. I like Nate. Would love to read So Silver Bright because I really like love triangles.

    angeldream3[AT]gmail[DOT]com

    ReplyDelete
  15. I really liked Nate. The way he distracted the stage manager and looked out for Bertie, showed that he truly cared. I've never saw this series before, but it looks great, I especially love that there's a love triangle which I find irresistible ;).

    eckstein99@comcast.net

    ReplyDelete
  16. Moth is my favorite, not sure what it is but when i was thinking which one i always looked at moth.

    cindysloveofbooksarc(AT)gmail(DOT)com

    ReplyDelete
  17. Great story! I liked Mustardseed, he was funny and has a great name.

    Barbed1951 at aol dot com

    ReplyDelete
  18. I like Nate. I have always had a thing for pirates. I also like Peaseblossom. Thanks for the giveaway.

    rachaelmccully@yahoo.com

    ReplyDelete
  19. I also tweeted
    http://twitter.com/#!/ERachaelM/status/104698307133181953

    rachaelmccully@yahoo.com

    ReplyDelete
  20. I liked Nate best-he chipped right in. Very chivalrous for a pirate. Great fable!

    mljfoland AT hotmail DOT com

    ReplyDelete
  21. +1 Tweet: http://twitter.com/#!/Rogue237/status/104723029673775104

    ReplyDelete
  22. I like Nate in the story. He wasn't what I expected in a good way.

    Cambonified[at]yahoo[dot]com

    ReplyDelete
  23. I have to say that Nate is my favorite here, but Ariel has all my love in the books. :)

    amy408(at)gmail(dot)com

    ReplyDelete
  24. I'd have to say that my favourite was Nate.

    Thanks for the giveaway!

    darlenesbooknook at gmail dot com

    ReplyDelete
  25. +1 for tweeting:

    http://twitter.com/#!/DarleneBookNook/status/104895833232769024

    darlenesbooknook at gmail dot com

    ReplyDelete
  26. I like Mustardseed with the best one-liners.

    Tweeted: @emma015

    findjessyhere at gmail dot com

    ReplyDelete
  27. Gotta go with Nate!

    mmafsmith at gmail dot com

    ReplyDelete
  28. Tweet:

    http://twitter.com/#!/Maria_Smith_76/status/104978834746638336

    mmafsmith at gmail dot com

    ReplyDelete
  29. OMG i want to read the last book in the series!!!!!!!!!!
    My favorie character has been and will always be Ariel!!!XD thanks so much for the giveaway!
    Sayomay
    tirnanog77@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  30. Haha! Definitely Mustardseed! Why? Because of the "It isn't a mess! It's magic!" I tell that to my husband all the time when he walks into my craft room!
    also tweeted
    http://twitter.com/#!/Pabkins/status/105063994326392832

    ReplyDelete
  31. Mustardseed is awesome
    audie@wickerness.com

    ReplyDelete
  32. Although he only had a cameo, I love Ariel.here's the retreat link for an extra entry. Jessetsquall@gmail.com
    https://twitter.com/tynga/status/104607116496605185

    ReplyDelete
  33. I definitely liked Mustardseed!! Very, very funny!

    Thanks for a great story and an awesome giveaway:)

    jwitt33 at live dot com

    ReplyDelete
  34. I tweeted: http://twitter.com/#!/jwitt33/status/106019863008526336

    jwitt33 at live dot com

    ReplyDelete
  35. Nate is definitely my favorite!! I love this series!

    ReplyDelete
  36. I tweeted!
    https://twitter.com/#!/ElfRenee/status/106191218609897472

    ReplyDelete
  37. Cobweb of course. His mouth reminds me of....hmm me!

    miss.smileygirlie@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  38. I really like Nate! Thanks for the giveaway!

    chibipooh(at)gmail(dot)com

    ReplyDelete
  39. I liked Nate. Yummy.

    brittanynoelle at gmail dot com

    ReplyDelete
  40. leave a comment letting me know which character was your favorite in the play ARIE! Hope I win this one! Love those covers.
    I tweeted
    http://twitter.com/#!/scarletredwill/status/107877572485980162

    veltara(at)yahoo(dot)com
    Thanks for the chance

    ReplyDelete
  41. I would have to go with Nate...what can I say? Thanks for the giveaway and can't wait for the book to come out.

    Courtney
    stilettostorytime at gmail dot com

    ReplyDelete
  42. Mustardseed, because he's funny, and the name's awesome! :)

    starlightgirl678 at aol dot com

    ReplyDelete
  43. Haha my favorite is mustardseed!

    I tweeted here
    https://mobile.twitter.com/#!/itzKelseyD/status/110115584238292992

    Poisnivyred AT gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  44. Nate is my favorite.
    marlenbreakfield(at)yahoo(dot)com

    ReplyDelete
  45. Nate.

    Great story. Thanks for sharing!!

    bacchus76 at myself dot com

    ReplyDelete
  46. tweet - http://twitter.com/#!/DonnaS1/status/110208054615752704

    bacchus76 at myself dot com

    ReplyDelete
  47. I thought Peaseblossom was particularly charming!

    little lamb lst at yahoo dot com

    ReplyDelete